How to Build a Positive Mindset and Ditch the Toxic Positivity

by Julie Reising, LMFT

It’s common knowledge that a positive mindset helps us manage stress more effectively and can impact our physical health. Unfortunately, that bit of knowledge often gets weaponized as toxic positivity. Psychology Today defines toxic positivity as “the act of avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions or experiences”.

We hear it from friends and family “just look on the bright side” or “it’s not that bad”. However, a truly positive mindset isn’t about pretendingeverything is rosy all the time. In fact, adapting a positive mindset is more about accepting what is than pretending it’s all good.

As with most things that are good for us, adapting a positive mindset takes intentional effort. Because of an evolutionary thing called “negative bias”, our brains are hardwired to pay more attention to negative events than positive, according to the School of Positive Transformation.

This means that to achieve a positive mindset, we must be intentional about balancing out this biological tendency.

Strategies for shifting your mindset:

● Acknowledge the bad stuff: we can recognize that things are rough in this world and bad things happen to good people, but the trick is to not stop there.

●Avoid blanket thoughts/statements: instead of “people suck” or “life is crap”, be specific about what’s not going well. Labeling it accurately and specifically helps us integrate it emotionally.

● Recognize the good stuff: sometimes this means looking for the small moments (these are called glimmers) that lift your spirits and allow you to feel a bit of peace, joy, or even awe (sunrises are my go-to for awe-inspiration).

● Adapt the both/and: this is the critical element…rather than an either/or thought like life is awesome/life is crap, create a both/and thought: life is both joyful and sad. Holding the complexity of the both/and can be a challenge because of our brain’s negative bias and desire to categorize things as only one thing or another. We tend to resist the balance of both/and.

Essential to practicing a positive mindset is finding a believable thought to think (and statement to make). Our brain has a well-refined BS detector, which is why toxic positivity doesn’t work. If our belief has been “life is crap”, our brain won’t buy “life is so awesome all the time”. BUT, it will believe the both/and of life is sometimes hard and sometimes good, which is both more accurate and encourages a more resilient mindset.

A positive mindset isn’t about forcing happiness; it’s about cultivating honesty, compassion, and flexibility in how we relate to our experiences. When we allow space for both struggle and goodness to coexist, we create resilience instead of pressure. Over time, this balancedapproach builds a mindset that feels steady, believable, and deeply supportive to the full complexity of being human.

To learn more about Julie Reising, Mindset & Empowerment Coach visit www.juliereising.com